Sun 28th April 2013 8:00pm

Julian Clary

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Position Vacant, Apply Within

Master of camp Julian Clary is scouring the land in search of love. He's promised to leave no straight unturned.

'Because I'm still considered to be quite a catch and because your town is noted for its heterosexuals on the cusp, there's bound to be stiff competition' says Julian 'Therefore I'll be hosting ruthless elimination games. You can be sure of one thing. By the end of the evening, we'll all be celebrating my new partnership'.

A glass of Blue Nun may be available to those who make an effort or anyone named Jason. But please bring your own confetti!

This show is not recommended for those under the age of 16.